Saturn
by GravityHasNoLimit
Summary: Cas is dying and there's nothing Sam can do about it.


**Author's note: **I haven't posted anything in a while and I realized that about two hours ago when I started writing this. All I will say is that Supernatural has had a rather...big impact on me. So I wrote this even though I swore I wouldn't write a Sastiel or Destiel fic for my first Spn fic but this happened so...One more thing, the title is based off of the song "_Saturn" _by _Sleeping at Last.__  
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_**. . .**_

**_Saturn_**

**_. . ._**

Cas is dying and there's nothing Sam can do about it.

Castiel usually stumbles around the bunker, either looking tired or sickly or both. Most of the time it's both and Sam just looks away. But every time Cas sees Sam, he makes his way across the room to tilt up and kiss his cheek. Sam just smiles and repeats the action. When he pulls away, his lips are cold as was Castiel's skin. It took everything in Sam to ignore it, but not just how cold the angel felt but everything else too. Cas would cough, sometimes it would be so loud and harsh that Sam offered a glass of water. Even when Cas declined and said he was fine, Sam had a glass of room-temperature water in his palm as he walked over to Castiel.

It took everything in Sam to ignore the faint crimson color mixing with water after Cas had taken a sip.

Days went by for the hunter and the angel, words were exchanged, most of them avoiding Dean and Castiel's fading Grace. It wasn't a problem for either of them. If there was one thing Sam loved about their talks, it was when Cas smiled at something Sam had said. Every time his lips quirked up or a low chuckle built in the back of Castiel's throat, all of the pain and exhaustion lifted like a veil from his face. It made Sam forget that something was slowly burning out inside of Cas. And he hoped it made Castiel forget too.

One day, Sam was half asleep on his back on the couch with Cas half on top of him. They were both silent, Castiel letting out ragged breaths and muffled coughs every now and then. His hand was resting on Sam's chest while Sam's arm was draped around Cas' back, positioned on his shoulder to shake him if he needed to tell him something. After half an hour of laying together, Castiel's hand slid off of Sam's chest and reached down for Sam's free hand. He slowly entangled his fingers with the other man's before bringing it up to his lips and pressing a lingering kiss to his wrist and knuckles. His nose tickled Sam's skin, breath hot against the back of his palm. Cas pressed one more kiss to his fingers.

"I love you," he murmured. It was soft, sweet. Sam wishes he could have heard it coming from Castiel's mouth a hundred times over again. He ducks down, kisses Cas' hair before saying "I love you, too". Cas keeps his lips pressed against Sam's hand and Sam can feel him smiling.

And then, of course, all good things must come to an end.

The very same day, Sam witnessed Castiel steadying himself against a wall in the bunker; his eyelids were heavy and his hand rested on his stomach. He looked sicklier then he did early that day. Before Sam could ask him if he was alright, Castiel's hand slipped from the wall and it sent him tumbling to the floor. Sam was on his feet the very second he heard the _thump _of Castiel's body. He sprinted across the room, eyes wide and panicked. His thoughts were too jumbled with the fact that this could be it, that Castiel could be gone and that Sam would be alone again. Oh,_god. _

The second Sam was on his knees beside Castiel, Cas managed to rise up from the floor and onto his knees. Sam looked frightened, and for a second he was rather angry with Cas but he had no idea what he was mad at. So Sam wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders and steadied him, asking the angel if he was felt okay. Castiel groaned but nodded. Cas' hand lifted up to grip onto Sam's shirt tightly. Sam repeated the action on Cas' sleeve and tried hard not to overwhelm him with how concerned Sam was then.

For the rest of the day, they laid in bed.

It was days before Cas felt like leaving their bedroom. Sam hadn't known what to do since Castiel didn't eat or drink. The entire time, Cas would tell him to get some fresh air, to leave the bunker and possibly go on a hunt. Sam declined and told Cas he'd rather stay there and make sure he was safe. Cas simply thanked the other man and took his hand. Sam laid in bed with Cas for the rest of the day.

They were both too tired for sex or anything for that matter, so the entire time, Sam had his read resting on Castiel's chest while his arm draped over his stomach. Cas' arm was wrapped around Sam, his hand running up and down Sam's back soothingly as his cheek pressed into Sam's hair. Sam's currently softly humming the lyrics of a song he doesn't recognize against Cas' shirt. He's sure Cas doesn't know it either, but frankly he didn't care at the moment.

Castiel was dying.

_Cas was dying _and Sam was _useless. _And the worst part was that he couldn't deal, perform a spell or do _anything _to fix this. He doesn't even know how much time the angel has left since this is the first time something like this has ever happened. Cas could die at any second and the thought is just ripping Sam apart.

Sam has stopped humming and has his eyes shut tightly just before he opens them back up again. He doesn't want to sleep. Not for the time being. Castiel doesn't sleep which, to Sam, is unfair because as of now, he'd kill to not be able to sleep for the time being. He just—oh god. He just wants to spend as much time with Castiel as he possibly can until…

Sam clenches his jaw shut and squeezes Castiel's shirt. He feels Cas slightly shift under him and air is what fills Sam's eyes with tears.

"Sam," he begins ever so softly. Sam grits his teeth without opening his mouth as a tear slips from his eyes without consent. "Sam, you should sleep." There's a silent _I'll watch over you_lingering there but it stays unspoken. Castiel's hand stills on his back.

More tears brim Sam's eyes and spill down his cheeks. His breath hitches and he tries his hardest not to let Castiel notice. It's useless he knows. Cas' Grace may be fading, but any normal person at this small distance would be able to tell that Sam is having the worst time coping with anything right now.

"_No." _Sam voice is broken and he's sure Castiel can tell that he's crying at this point. His palm is growing red from gripping Castiel's shirt too hard. His breathing softens when he feels Cas begin to rub his hand up and down Sam's back again. Castiel's lips brush over Sam's hairline and the gesture is warm.

Sam just closes his eyes but doesn't sleep.


End file.
